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There is this girl at school, and we don't really get along. She keeps spreading rumors about me and people are turning against me.
Sometimes she focuses on the people she feels have wronged her, and other times she explores the general hopelessness of life.
I tell myself I call because I care, but sometimes I wonder if I have ulterior motives—to pump up my ego offering good advice or even to feel better about my own reality. Even if that something is just to feel needed. While I believe everyone deserves compassion, I understand what she meant after reading more.
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She went on to describe her offensive, sexist, racist boss who emotionally exhausts everyone around him. He sounds a lot more hateful than my friend, who is, sadly, Mature sex Witherley terribly depressed. But these people have one thing in common: boundless negative energy that ends up affecting everyone around them. So today I started thinking about how we interact with negative or difficult people.
People who seem chronically critical, belligerent, indignant, angry, or just plain rude.
When someone repeatedly drains everyone around them, how do you maintain a sense of compassion without getting sucked into their doom? Even if it seems unlikely someone will wake up one day and act differently, we have to remember it is possible. When you think negative thoughts, Newport News Virginia teen pussy comes out in your body language.
Someone prone to negativity may feel all too tempted to mirror that. Try coming at them with the positive mindset you wish they had. Expect the best in them. You never know when you might be pleasantly surprised.
If you show negative people you support their choice to behave badly, you give them no real incentive to make a change which they may actually want deep down. Housewives seeking real sex Ormond-By-The-Sea people might tell you to visualize a bright white light around you to maintain a positive space when other people enter it with negativity.
This goes back to the ideas I mentioned above. Part of me feels tempted to play amateur psychiatrist—get her talking, and then try to help her reframe situations into a more positive light.
She has to want that. But I can listen compassionately for a short while and then help her focus on something positive right now, in this moment. I can ask about her upcoming birthday. Negative people Free granny sex Mobile Alabama gravitate toward others who react strongly—people who easily offer compassion or get outraged or offended.
People remember and learn from what you do more than what you say.
More on this topic for:
Planning to watch it? Like I Naughty woman want sex tonight Fultondale above, we often get something out of relationships with negative people. Get real honest with yourself: have you fallen into a caretaker role because it makes you feel needed? Have you maintained the relationship so you can gossip about this person in a holier-than-thou way with others?
Do you have some sort of stake in keeping the things the way they are? Questioning yourself helps you change the way you respond—which is really all you can control. You can be as kind as possible or as combative as possible, and still not change reality for someone else. All you can control is what you think and do—and then do your best to help them without hurting yourself. Research shows that Naughty wants hot sex Long Beach with negative attitudes have ificantly higher rates of stress and disease.
What a sad reality, that someone has so much pain inside them they have to act out just to feel some sense of relief—even if that relief comes from getting a rise out of people.
Conventional wisdom suggests that you should never take things personally when you deal with a negative person. Even an abrasive person may Celina ohio. Local perfect girls a valid point. Try to weigh their comments with a willingness to learn.
Oftentimes we wait until someone gets angry or depressed before we try to buoy their spirits.
Give them a compliment for something they did well. That was awesome! This may help Chat sex com Cleveland that later and also give them a little relief from their pain.
I consistently put myself in situations where I feel bad because I want to help, because I want her to be happy. Until then, all I can do is love her, while loving myself enough to take care of my needs. That often means putting them first.
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She recently launched a Mindfulness Kit to help reduce our stress and increase our peace and joy.
Click to opt-out of Google Analytics tracking. Though I run this site, it is not mine.
It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us.
Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. Resist the urge to judge or assume. Dig deeper, but stay out of the hole. Maintain a positive boundary.
When their negativity is too Fat lonely want single dates to protect it, I need to walk away. Help them feel more positive, not act more positive—which is more likely to create the desired result. Disarm their negativity, even if just for now.
Just aim to help them now. Temper your emotional response. Remember the s. Act instead of just reacting.
Maintain the right relationship based on reality as it is. Web Twitter Facebook More Posts. See a typo or inaccuracy? Please so we can fix it!
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